On January 27th 2015, I married myself on a beach in Costa Rica. Surrounded by my beautiful new kula, dear friends I had met just a week before.
I went all out, I wore a dress (sundress), I had a ring, and the ceremony was even performed by a friend who was ordained (in Colorado). At 5 AM that morning I pronounced the vows I will forever keep to myself. Blessings and hugs were shared and that was it. An eternal commitment was made. I grabbed my surfboard and jumped into the Pacific Ocean. I would ride my first waves as a newly married woman.
That day was an absolute dream, better than I could have fantasized it. Yet what truly struck me was the process of writing these vows to myself. It took me days of contemplation and soul searching to commit to words and ideas that I would willingly bind myself to. I wrote down everything I would want promised to me by another, or what I would be willing to give to a life partner. How could I even begin to receive such promises or give them away before giving them to my true life partner first, myself.
There was such power in that realization. Just a few months earlier I had felt so lost. My heart had been torn open, again. The difference this time was that I had refused to give into old vices. Having the rug swept from under my feet again had now given me a new foundation. There would be no more lying down, acting as a victim to the circumstances. Things needed to change in every area of my life. The first and foremost was a commitment was to be made to myself. I had made them before, but this time it would be unwavering. It felt as if my life depended on it, and in all honesty it did. I would do whatever it took to put myself first and live into my potential. The voice inside my head, quietly screaming for more would now be heard, and not just heard it would now be the guiding force for what was to come.
The process of writing these vows to myself was profound.
To be kind
To never stop exploring
To forgive myself, quickly and sincerely
To act on my innate freedom
To dive into inquiry, to know that I know
To guide myself in patience, and rid myself of timelines
To live into the desires that serve me
To savor the senses active in each experience
To play in the elements, dance in the rain, swim in each body of water, roll in the sand, and sail in the wind
To honor my path, as well as the path of others
To be in tune with the ether and trust my inner voice
To never settle and know that everything is perfect
When I am hurt I will honor the light to shine through the cracks
To stop and bear witness to nature, take in her lessons
To immerse myself in the beauty of it all, to be in wonder, in awe
To be in the dance with life
To know it’s okay to be lonely, yet I am never alone
To be of service to self, others and our earth